Dear New Employer,
My first declaration to you is that I have spent more than 15 years in the Nigerian media space. I have garnered both experiences, relationships, expertise and red flags. Your culture will determine whether you will get the best of me or not. If your culture is toxic, manipulative and narcissistic, it is likely that I will withdraw my eclecticism and deliver to you Zombie-kind-of-work.
However, if your engagement is worthy of your brand talk (I have noticed that brand talk is different from brand practice. Some say they are fighting for justice, fairness and equity, but lack same in their brand practice), then be rest assured that you will get more than expected. I am not begging you for work, I know what I carry and I have done it before. I am not going to go hungry if you don’t employ me.
Your culture will determine whether you will get the best of me or not. If your culture is toxic, manipulative and narcissistic, it is likely that I will withdraw my eclecticism and deliver to you Zombie-kind-of-work.
My second declaration is that I have my own dreams and aspirations. I will not subsume my dreams and aspirations to grow your own. I will not be welcoming to stagnancy and obscurity, so please, if your approach to your workforce is toxic or narcissistic, don’t bother reaching out. I am very self aware. You cannot silence my voice. I can keep quiet for a while, but if you push me to the wall, it will come in plosives. Please, find balance between my measured aspirations and your measurable expectations.
My third declaration is that I have a robust community, a well entrenched superstructure of communities. I will not ‘kill or discard’ my communities because I am working for you. If you are willing, I can even leverage my communities for you and my communities can also leverage your company within respectable limits. I can even raise good money from my communities for your ‘market’. However, if you feel that since I have joined your ‘family,’ all other ‘families’ should die a natural death, I am sorry. Before your employment offer, they existed and at the end of your employment tenure, they will continue to exist.
Please, find balance between my measured aspirations and your measurable expectations.
My fourth declaration is that I am also building a future outside you. I don’t believe that I will work for you forever. I will retire one day, so I have long been building something, albeit small, before you felt that my CV was worthy. I will not leave it because I have joined you. What I am likely to do is that I will pitch an operational structure that allows me to give you the time that you deserve as stipulated.
However, I am sorry if you find out that I am making more money than the salary that I earn, and that my shoe is shining more than my colleagues in the office. I will not show you my account balance, sometimes, business can bring unexpected profit. I don’t steal, I don’t siphon monies from company cooperative (in fact, I never join company coops). I don’t spearhead procurement or disbursals, you should have an accountant for that. So let there be mutual respect. If you feel otherwise, engage legal processes to check my account balance. I did not fall from the sky to join your firm. Don’t be like that one in my forthcoming book, titled, ‘Dear Employer, I am not Dead Yet.’ If you need to produce an NDA or a Non-competitor agreement, let my lawyer see it.
However, if you feel that since I have joined your ‘family,’ all other ‘families’ should die a natural death, I am sorry.
My Fifth, I hate office politics. I have been groomed by my parents to focus on the work and leave the rest to God. I work hard and evade the politics, the envy and the backstabbing. You will never find me in the gang of sabotage. I stand tall to accept the queries, and apologise to let peace reign. However, if it becomes overbearingly tyrannical, I will respond robustly to your shenanigans. I am not afraid to walk away, neither am I afraid to stand firm and face you. I don’t carry bags, I don’t clean shoes, I don’t genuflect unnecessarily to get promotions or leverages. If I carry your bag, it is a personal choice. If you want people to worship you like God because you are the CEO, the MD, the HR, the Director, the son or daughter of the founder, or the Weekend Titles Editor, please don’t reach out.
However, I am sorry if you find out that I am making more money than the salary that I earn, and that my shoe is shining more than my colleagues in the office. I will not show you my account balance, sometimes, business can bring unexpected profit.
My Sixth declaration is that I am teachable and friendly, even young colleagues, and colleagues at a lower rank, that I have worked with can testify to that. I can also be firm and dangerous if need be. I relate with the man managing the air conditioner, the same way I relate with the sweeper, and the same way I relate with the professional in suit. It is a lesson ingrained in us from Obafemi Awolowo University, I can’t help it. I can learn from them and they can learn from me. I don’t believe that I must create a Stalin, Adolf Hitler gap between ‘Oga’ and the rest of the people.
I don’t carry bags, I don’t clean shoes, I don’t genuflect unnecessarily to get promotions or leverages. If I carry your bag, it is a personal choice.
If your organisation runs an Animal Farm, where some are more equal than others, it is likely that I will not stay long. I will count the months and tender my resignation. So when you ask me, are you going to stay long in our organisation, the question should be, can your company culture accommodate fairness, justice and equity? Can you communicate without stripping people of human dignity? And if you ask, how is your relationship with your former employer? You should ask, how did the former employer treat you vis-a-vis the other people that have left them? What is the former employer known for among other people who have related with them as employees?
I don’t believe that I must create a Stalin, Adolf Hitler gap between ‘Oga’ and the rest of the people.
My Seventh Declaration, I prioritise my peace. Good health, good relations with family and friends. I am also a family man, I pirortise my family. I believe that my colleague could leave and become the next President of Nigeria, so I try to handle them with care. You cannot position me to turn them to slaves or wimps, it will not work. I cannot do spywork for you, leave me out of your internal management wranglings and combativeness, let’s do the work. The moment my peace is sabotaged to the heights of the unreasonable, you will be receiving a resignation letter. One of my ex-colleague now works in the Presidency, I can pick my phone and call him. I like that. This is because I refused to do spywork for some people in my forthcoming book.
Let’s be ‘guided’ by these declarations.
And if you ask, how is your relationship with your former employer? You should ask, how did the former employer treat you vis-a-vis the other people that have left them? What is the former employer known for among other people who have related with them as employees?
Femi Morgan is a communications consultant, culture strategist and publisher
Leave a comment